Guangzhou Chapter 4
Table of Contents
Sat 17th
My lap top, left with A the previous night – so he could familiarise himself with the PowerPoint presentation – to do some in Chinese without need to translate me – now back from A, , in fact left outside my door – as I discovered on my way to the training room.
When I get a chance to look – laptop cocked up, looked like he had opened a PowerPoint presentation and, I don’t know – just shuffled the slides!
I use the 15 or so minutes I had, to try to put it back in the right order. Turns out (as the day progresses) that he can’t use a laptop or even a mouse- let alone, a PowerPoint presentation– having told me it was no problem at all, and everybody used them all the time.
Two delegates do not return from the first day – but two others appear from somewhere – total 19 again – a result, considering that, at one point, I never thought we could get past day one.
Total change of programme – after my intro, attempting to identify how we got to this point in the course (the blind leading the blind). He does some, what looks like – personal selling stuff (in Chinese) – which is totally irrelevant to the course programme – but allows some of them to stand up and, I guess, role play.
I get to whisk through the marketing module, with the right graphics at least – some progress – he doesn’t attempt to translate the PowerPoint.
Next session he does part of the contract terms (I think) – lots of stuff on ‘ship’s rails’ – big the 1950s – I pinch hit what I think is he hasn’t done, just using the correct graphics.
I am amazed that nobody walked out.
Even more amazed– at the end of day-we end up with a spontaneous and extended round of applause !!
I think I will never understand the Chinese – but, a lesson in cultural understanding – I have learnt that they do most things for their right reasons – just a different reasoning.
But do feel that there is a chance we can survive to the end of the course. I am concerned that if we don’t get 4 days of something – we will get problems over payment.
Hard Rock Café
Evening – say I am knackered and will have early night and not eat. They don’t argue – probably glad to get a break from me for an evening.
I had already decided to try for the Hard Rock Café which I saw was in the China Hotel on a brief visit (I am now that desperate).
Sneak out of university -I knew there was a taxi rank outside. first two taxi drivers did not understand ‘Hard Rock Café’ no matter how loudly I said it.
Sneak back into university – reception able to write it in Chinese for me – wave it at a taxi driver and actually get there. Have a crap burger and overpriced pint of larger – entertained by an American guitar trio doing Country & Western numbers involving a number of deceased grannies –
– but, my first dinner alone in about 11 days and a pint of lager – wonderful.
Even got the T shirt – and I really did. How many people have a ‘Hard Rock Café – Guangzhou’ tee shirt.
Sneak back into my room – not spotted, I hope.
TV warnings of approaching typhoon!
Sun 18th
A had particularly asked me to meet him in the training room earlier – at 8.45, to discuss what he could do by himself – turns up in training room at 09.10 – really starting to piss me off – or maybe it’s too late for that!
I am basically, trying to make It me, most of the day – ‘Presentation Skills’ – some scope for extemporisation!
IFor example – in the ‘Problem Solving’ Unit – I did an impression of a delegate arriving late and being disruptive. Full act – left through the main door, mussed up my hair and neat clothing and re-entered with a Norman Wisdom pratfall, back into the room – shouting my apologies from the floor.
Question to delegates – ‘so how would you deal with that, if you were the trainer?
Nobody said, ‘pick him up’.
One said, ‘tie him up’.
I think I could have managed for the day – I had quite a few ‘what would you do’ scenarios –but no show without Punch!
At the pm break – A says he must finish the Letter of `Credit discrepancy exercise from yesterday (I won’t bore you with the details of the exercise) – but he apparently does it without reference to the documents at all – which is totally impossible – no idea what he told them.
Monday 19th – Last Day
Four do not turn up – A says he knew because they had to work on Mondays.
a.m. A will revisit banking services, risk and payments as a wash up – I have just told him to left-click the mouse to change the graphic, now in the right order, look at it – and say what it says.
Also dawns on me that he lectures far more than me – very little exercises, activities, games etc. that were lacking originally – two fall asleep again – one reads the paper.
Some delegates ask me to lunch (I had planned to plead upset stomach and have an hour alone) but impolite to refuse and maybe – they feel sorry for me now, so go along (and pay – not a lot). Lunch usual – apart from the communal dish of noodles in sperm bank.
pm – I just go through the graphic of the whole programme, trying to convince them they have had all of it. and asking for outstanding questions – there are very few!
Still presenting (sort of) after 16.00 – which I think is the earliest I can politely give in.
Delegates depart with polite thanks – and seem quite happy.
N.B., I had sent A, as part of the standard course documentation, an appraisal questionnaire to be completed by all delegates at the close – often referred to as ‘a happy sheet’. Required by IoE for all short courses, as quality assurance.
seems it went astray in the copying – what a shock! I actually I would have been fascinated to see what they said.
Last evening
My plan: plead tiredness, will have a couple of hours packing, for return., taxi to Hard Rock Café and have another crap burger and pint of lager by myself – lie in Tuesday morning – check out for 12.00 and get to airport as early as possible.
Actual: they have booked a dinner for the team –
, followed by massage and reflexology, and we will have to leave the University by 10.00 tomorrow to visit a potential venue for training (they can’t think that I am actually coming back, can they !!!) and planned visits to some other companies, (no idea who or why).
Dinner miles out of town – usual + spiced pig’s ears and poached goose intestine. Back into town for communal massage, foot soak and reflexology (six of us in a private room – with TVs and personal masseurs) every time I thought they had finished we had another procedure – (hot ginger plastered around my lower extremities – luckily had long legs on my shorts). Should have been relaxing but still there at 22.45 and a 35 Kg. case still to pack.
Back to room 11.20 – pack ‘til 12.30 a.m. – just throw it in.
Tues 20th
Check out for 10.00 – long drive (they keep sitting me in front now. I have by now discovered that the Chinese highway code is based on the principles of playing chicken – if you hesitated you would never move).
Shown around a training venue – offices, accommodation, main hall, gym etc. then invited to lunch – I pointed out we had not seen the training rooms – laughs all round because we forgot. We see both open rooms with unsuitable furniture – I ask, ‘can we do horseshoe seating’ – ‘yes, of course – but that room is locked’!
Another lunch – very boring – only interest was frog on the bone and preserved turnip – bit of an anti-climax. Rest of afternoon spent visiting a food factory and underwear factory and getting totally lost in between – A says its deliberate for me to see more of Guangzhou.
I Just Want to Go Home Now!
At long last – back to Hong Kong. Trip here was a 4 ½ hours ride in an old London bus, humping suitcases, in heavy rain (remember?)
This trip back is less than 2 hours on a very comfortable train!
A insists we (now me, him and his wife) have a meal at the train station before I go to the airport.
During the meal – I had, by now, given up on recording the menus, A says that when he and his wife are in the UK, they, of course, eat only Chinese food the whole time.
Me having had two weeks of almost exclusively Cantonese options – realise that some Chinese have no sense of irony!
Manage to finally shake them off at the train/bus station and get bus to the airport alone – feel like Steve McQueen in The Great Escape.
Trip Back
–life continued to take the mickey – seat in standard class – security alert at HK – everybody off the plane for a search, picked up passengers at Ho Chi Min City, bitten by fleas on the flight – plane like a gypsy encampment, eventually back in the UK, Heathrow security on work to rule etc. etc. –
(I do know that these are not unique events – I just feel better for having recorded them and survived them – call it therapy – now I don’t want to talk about it anymore)